previously unpublished – The Kentish Lass

Not Ever

I believed in the love I felt for you
I believed in the love you said you felt for me
I believed the missed heartbeat of the joy of seeing you
I believed

I wanted your touch
I wanted to feel your breath on my neck
I wanted to feel your heartbeat next to mine
I wanted

I needed what you offered
I needed the feel of you close
I needed to feel your touch. Your kiss. Your love
I needed you

Did you believe?
Did you love? Did you want?
Did you need? I know not, for you left
In silence

Can I forget you?
Your smile? your kiss?,
Your breath on my neck? the touch of you?
Not ever.

Unrequited Love

Each breath she took, each heartbeat felt
Had become a breath she took for him
A heartbeat she longed for him to hear
Each waking moment was spent in hopes of him

Every dream, day or night,
A desire for him. A need of him
Every waking moment became
A thought of him, of her, of them.

The wind, the sun, the rain and the snow
The sea, the waves, the sand, and the pebbles
The moon and the stars all knew
He had become her everything, her all.

But she, she had become his distant memory
She had become a might have been
A passing thought, a blip nothing more.
No thought of her crossed his day or night.

In an instant

Lovely eyes you said. My heart missed a beat
Lovely smile you said. My heart stumbled
You strolled past my hearts no entry sign. I fell

You touched me lightly, like a feather, no more, no less.
In an instant I was yours.

Together with words and smiles, the ideal world was sown
Where dreams and desires were nurtured, tended and grown,
Where we two danced and swayed to the beat of our tune
A world where silence and words ruled as one in harmony
We believed.
We cherished. And then.
Then you were gone

The Beginning

She cautioned him, but I’m curious he said
Then take my hand she said. Thus their journey began
He not knowing, nor caring, where she would lead

His heart beat quicker, his breath more shallow with each step
What surprises, what thrills, what danger awaited
She smiled keeping her counsel; and so the dance begins.

Miracles don’t happen

Why do I feel that if I reach out my hand I can touch yours?
Why do I still turn to speak to you when I know you’re not there?
Why do I want to dial your number knowing it’s no longer yours?
Will this empty longing ache ever mellow?
Will the pain of needing you near and not having you ever ease?
Will I ever grow accustomed to not hearing your voice, your laugh?

I miss you so much, too much for words to explain
I never knew I could feel so empty and yet be so full of pain
I never knew before how much silence can hurt.
I still see your smile and the joy in your eyes
I can still recall the feel of you near me
But these things bring me no comfort only serving to hurt me more

I want to shut the pain out. If I do then I loose you and I need you so
I wish I could remember you without feeling this gnawing pain
I want to remember the warmth of you, the love we shared
I want to remember everything about you and everything we did.
But I want to remember as it was, without this heavy aching need.
This dark feeling of empty despair
I want to smile again and feel the smile inside.

Forever Mine

The gossamer brume swirling, twisting, invading;
Wrapping its damp embrace around all.
The chill creeps into me, as the ivy clothes your tomb.

Silence, seeping through my skin; soaking my soul.
Calming, silencing the frenzy of my mind, comforting
Thoughts of you in another time, another heart beat, surface.

In a blink of an eye you are here, beside me, fingers entwined,
Memories of you, our minds, nature beating in time with our pace
Memories of your smile, your touch, your kiss

Our dreams live on in my heart, always present
In that place you will be forever by my side
In that place I will forever read our lives.

The life we had, the life that should have been
All our hearts desire, our minds fire
The life that should have been, frozen in time.

The sea stole you from my arms,
She can not steal you from my heart,
Where you remain forever mine.

My Love, My Friend, My Life

How suddenly, treacherously the dreams can end.
He died without warning so far away,
We had no chance to say our farewells
My Love and best friend gone forever.
There’s no way of knowing if, for him, it was quick,
No way of knowing if he suffered too long and too much.

The pain I feel , the empty loneliness, never to see him
Never again to see his face, hear his laugh, his voice,
See the joy in his eyes, or feel his touch, his kiss, his caress
Never again to hold him in my arms or wake with him by my side.
I know this desperate ache for him will ease
I know life must go on without him and he would want me to be happy

But I don’t know how or where to start again,
How to quell the tears that come unbidden.
He was so much of my life and there is so little left without him.
He was the sunshine and the laughter in my life.
How do I find my way back to the sun?
The way out of this maze of pain and aching loneliness

To live without his love, his hope, his charm
I can find no purpose to my life
We needed each other, and I still need him
I am unable to find the words to explain
how great, how all encompassing my loss is
My Love My Friend My Life

Without You

When you were with me and we two were one
I was happy and whole
Now you are dead and gone and I am alone
I am lost and broken

Without you there is no warmth to the day
Without you there is no meaning to being alive
Without you there is no life
I feel so empty without you

Without you there is no beginning or end of time
Without you each hour is the same as the last
Without you there is no joy in walking in the rain
The pain of losing you doesn’t ease

Without you there is no one to share the laughter
Without you there is no one to share the triumph and disasters
Without you there is no life in me
I need you to take away this ache

Without you wine is just an alcoholic drink
Without you a picnic is just a meal in the open air
There are no jokes, no teasing, no smiles, no laughter in the eyes
I need your smile, your being

Without your smile, without the look in your eyes
Without your touch, the smell the feel of you
Without the sound of your voice, your laughter, your footsteps
There is no light. There is no day without you.

The taste of you

The taste of you on my lips lingers like a fine wine taken in the sun
I feel the kiss of your caress on my skin, like the glow of a winter’s fire
And the kiss in your eyes lingers long into the dreams of the night
Warming me until I taste your kiss on my lips once more

A Lingering Kiss

The voice of your eyes is deeper than your words,
Of True love whispered so sweetly to my heart.
And the kiss lingering there, fills me with emotion
Hard to explain, except that it haunts me
As the memory of your caress haunts me night and day

My Constant Companion

you were there at my birth, you will be there at my death.
you were there when I took my first step, and will be there at my last
you have seen me soar and seen me tumble
you were with me at every stumble, every fall
you were with me through every climb from despair
always constant and always sure
you were part of my first love, and my last
with me during all that was good, the smiles, the laughter
the tears of joy, the blessed moments of star-gazing and sun worship
with me during all that was bad, the tears of disappointment, of pain,
of hurt and despair, the damned moments of loss
you marked me with each minute of every hour, of every day
each year that passed you left your mark upon me, upon my soul
the sound of you, the silence of you, my constant companion
you taught me that you have many paces and many graces
you taught me that patience can be learnt
you taught me that no one should be allowed to control or harness my soul
just as no one has ever controlled or harnessed your essence
you taught me that I must be mistress of my own destiny
you taught me that it is I that holds me back or moves me forward
you taught me you can be cruel and you can be kind
I have been hurt by you and I have been healed by you
you taught me that nothing, but nothing waits for you
my constant companion

Time

Category: previously unpublished